My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
