i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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