Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
