I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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