end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
