cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
