I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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