FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
