You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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