I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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