I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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