guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
