a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
