Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You left your phone here
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