Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
