I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
