who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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