im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
