Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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