She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
