first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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