ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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