yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
