Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
