I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
