The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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