I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
