i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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