i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
