i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
