Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
