Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
