The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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