My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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