The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
