he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
