Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
did i walk over a car last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
