Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
