there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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