how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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