it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
