I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
