Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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