Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
