If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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