Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
