I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
