OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
