After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
