We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
